Sunday, Lovely Sunday

Historically, Sunday has always been my favorite day of the week -- it usually involves very few plans, a lot of relaxing, yummy food, and getting things in line for the week ahead.  By the time I go to bed on Sunday, I usually sleep easy, content with the feeling of a tidy, organized house... clean clothes... fully stocked kitchen.  For the past year or so, I've started dreading Sunday on FRIDAY -- because Sunday meant that Monday was right around the corner, and Monday meant going back to work.  My friend Nora coined it "The Sunday Sads" and I'd say that sums it up pretty well.

No more!  The last couple of weeks I am back to loving Sundays -- what a difference it makes to look forward to going to work!  I simply have more energy.  Yesterday I accomplished an amazing number of things -- namely, cleaning the house, dealing with laundry / clothes that were taking over my bedroom and basement, and decorated the house for Christmas. I started out, as I always do, saying "I'm not bothering with outdoor lights this year..." but by 3 PM, the tree was up and lit, the garlands strung, and outdoor lights sprawled across the bushes out front.  I usually decorate the Monday after Thanksgiving, so this isn't actually early, but for some reason it FEELS really early -- I know, however, that the business of the next few weeks will make the holiday arrive sooner than expected.


But I digress.  Let's talk about Sunday again.

This morning I woke up around 7:45, and instead of lazing around in bed and annoying the Manfriend while he tried to sleep, I methodically got up, brushed my teeth, threw on workout clothes, kissed him goodbye, and went to the gym.

Did I stutter?

An hour later -- coffee now in hand and eggs in my tummy -- I'm recovering from a GREAT 60 minute workout in a near-empty gym.   And I'm back to loving Sundays.  It is only 9:20 and I already feel like all my "work" for the day / weekend is done.  I'm about to fold and put away one last load of laundry, and quickly do some dishes that are in the sink, and then I'm heading back to the Manfriends for some football (translation: he'll watch football while I read my book).  I'm planning to throw chicken and salsa in the crockpot to cook away for dinner -- chicken tacos.

I have a busy week ahead -- back to back meetings all week, a volunteer event for my university on Tuesday, and dinner with girlfriends on Wednesday. My gym bag is packed and will live in my car for the times I can sneak in workouts, before or after the office. If you look at my ticker above, it is clear that I'm not going to make my November goal (no way to cram in 600 minutes of cardio by 11:59 PM on Weds), but it is an improvement over November -- but these days blog 2.0 is all about progress, not perfection.

So for the rest of today -- I'm just going to soak up the bliss of Sunday.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving-weekend, everybody!  I'm quite late in writing this post, but my Thanksgiving was -- as per usual -- fantastic.  Thanksgiving is traditionally my favorite day of the year... I'm not a huge fan of Christmas, simply because I could do without the insane-o gift giving and the stress of fancy parties, excess calories, dress clothes, etc... but Thanksgiving?  A day all about cooking, eating, and communing with loves ones? 

Now we're talkin'.

The Manfriend and I spent the day bopping between family gatherings -- we attended three Thanksgiving dinners, all comprised of the traditional fixings.  We started at noon at his aunt's house, then buzzed over to my parents around 2:30... by 5:15 we were at his father's for our third and final bird of the day.  My food strategy was to stick to small bites of everything at the first and third meals, and eat my main meal of the day at my parents house -- it worked well, and I'm happy to say that when I braved the scale yesterday (for the first time in a week), it was EXACTLY the same as it was the week before.  I didn't attend my official weight watchers meeting yesterday, but on Friday -- once the new program is introduced, and after a week of conscientious eating -- I will definitely be there.


Of course, this year -- my first year in a while back in the world of retail marketing --  I had to work on Black Friday.  That was kind of a bummer, except that the campus was dead quiet.  Of the 20,000 people that work downtown for Target, I think I was one of about 200 in that office.  I got a ton of work-related reading done that I hadn't had time for until yesterday, left a little early, and then spent the afternoon and evening running errands (nothing very fun, sorry), avoiding Black Friday crowds (gag), and moving back into my kitchen.  The Manfriend and I went our separate ways last night (rather, we both stayed at our own homes), so by 7 PM,Chinese food was ordered, a chick flick was on the TV, and I was snuggled up in front of the fauxplace in yoga pants and slipper socks -- with 99.9% of my Christmas shopping done, from the comfort of my sofa.

Again: now we're talkin'.

I'm contemplating whether or not to put up my Christmas decorations today - if I do, then Christmas for Jess is pretty much "locked and loaded" for the remainder of the season, which sounds fantastic.  However, I still really need to do some cleaning -- the result of sawdust throughout my house from the kitchen project -- and I"m not sure if I have the energy to both clean AND to decorations.  It is only 12 degrees out this morning, so I'm enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee while peering through my frosted windows and formulating a plan for today.

The kitchen is almost done -- the picture above reflects the completed cabinets and pantry, the mounted microwave / vent, and the dishwasher put in place (but not installed).  There are just temporary counter tops in place for now -- those will be replaced sometime in the next week or two -- and the backsplash still needs to be tiled, a project for a later date.  I'll "live with it for a while," and determine whether or not I need to paint the walls... that sunny yellow was beautiful with the bright blue tile, but I'm not sure I'm feelin' it with the more subdued amber tones I've chosen for Kitchen 2.0 -- I might change it to the sage green that you can see in the pantry picture, or something completely different.  And of course, I"ll also need to make some new little curtains for the windows.

Suggestions?



And now for the meat of this post -- the things I am belatedly thankful for.

It is hard for me to sum up in words the "things" I am thankful for, mostly because the things that matter the most to me in the world aren't things -- they are, people, experiences, opportunities, and emotions.  Most of the "things" I am thankful for are a result of simply having the dumb luck to be born into the family that I was -- because at the very top of my list is the amazing people in my life -- family and friends.

SO, everybody, thanks for being awesome.

In a world where so many are struggling, I am grateful to the point of tears for the roof over my head, the kitchen full of food, and the reliable car that gets me to my well-paying job, complete with health insurance, a 401K, and all sorts of other life-enhancing benefits.  Everybody has frustrations and stress in relation to their job, and I am no exception, but even while working for a job I didn't really enjoy, I always was grateful for the pay check and the opportunities it afforded.  I'm only entering Week 3 of this new gig -- so clearly I'm still wearing rose-colored glasses (from Target, of course), but so far I am enjoying this job immensely and feel like it is definitely a fit.  I'm grateful for that too -- that somebody in Target's HR department saw something in me that they liked and awarded me this amazing job.

I'm grateful for my house.  Not just that I have a place to live and a house that I own, but that I bought this place almost (cough) seven (gah) years ago.  The idea of signing those papers terrified me -- but this house and I have been through a lot together over the years.  And as I've methodically redecorated and redesigned -- room by room -- and turned it from a house to a home, in a way, the house and I have grown up together.

Although I've lived a very charmed life, I'm grateful for the sad parts of it as well -- that I've lost enough people in my life (starting at age 12), that I do feel relatively gifted in terms of consoling people through loss, and like I don't take the people in my life for granted.  I have a sense of empathy that makes my eyes fill with tears when watching or reading sad news stories, imagining the emotional pain those people must be going through, and the desire to wrap every sad person I meet in a giant warm hug and make it all go away.

That my traumatic / dramatic past relationship & subsequent breakup gave me perspective, patience, and appreciation for all the things I've listed above -- and the desire to help other young women out of similar situations (or better yet: never get into them).

And last, but certainly not least -- I'm grateful for my health, both mental and physical.  I've struggled with my weight my entire life and I can't say that has been an easy battle -- it has been filled with ups and downs, highs and lows (literally), emotions and frustrations.  But through it all, I've always had the perspective that my weight doesn't define me; that life is about so much more than a number on a scale or the label of my jeans.  I've taken a few steps back over the past 18 months in terms of weight management, but many steps forward in other areas of my life.  I have a renewed sense of commitment since starting this job at Target (if for no other reason than I am surrounded by incredibly fashionable people), and I'm super excited that the new weight watchers program is launching on Sunday -- a change (ie, kick in the pants), might be just what I need to get the ball rolling again.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Alive And Cookin'

I'm not dead, I swear, I just haven't had much to write about, and even less time to write it in!  But things are still going splendidly --  went to bed Sunday excited about the work day ahead, as opposed to dreading it, which was the status quo for the past 6-8 months. 

But here's the situation in my kitchen:  my cabinets are almost done, but I have no counter tops.  So it will be a few more day before I am cookin' at home again.  In the meantime, since the contents of my kitchen are strewn about every single room in my house other than the bathroom, I've shacked up with the Manfriend -- it is working out pretty nicely.  He dropped me at the train station yesterday, and the light rail whisked me away... I took the bus back to MY house after work to check out progress and collect a few things, and he picked me up there around 6 PM.  From there we hit the grocery store together, with a solid meal plan in hand and grocery list in mind -- and my dirty laundry.  The trade off?  I feed him and he washes my clothes.  Works for me, as laundry is the household task I despise the most.

So last night, after we ate our respective microwavable dinners (lean cuisine for me; macaroni for him), I hunkered down in his kitchen to prepare the following:  beef stew, beef lasagna, and chicken tacos... all to be prepared throughout the week.  Between that and Thanksgiving, we shouldn't have to leave the house for days, which is great because baby, it's cold out side. 

I just showered and brewed coffee and ate a breakfast sandwich... beef stew is in the crockpot, simmering away in preparation for our return home this evening... my car is warming up (I'm going to take the train again, but drive myself to the station this morning), and life is beautiful.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Weekly Weigh In

Well, I've got week one of "round and red" under my belt and I'm loving it -- I don't really even know how to capture what I've seen, heard, and experienced in the last 5 days, but let's just say: cool.  I love working downtown again, I love taking the bus / train to work... I love that I'm just a hop, skip, and a jump away from home -- i got about an hour / hour and a half back in my day just by NOT commuting out to Carlson anymore.  Love that.  The people here are great - I already feel bonded with my team.  Our personalities all just MESH.  My first weeks here are all about observing, shadowing, and learning... so obviously there is no stress yet - I haven't had to execute any actual work. :-)  I'm trying to take advantage of that while I can, because a few weeks from now it will be a whole other story.

One cool thing about Minneapolis is the skyway system -- if you've never been here to experience it, it's one of those things unique to Minneapolis and our "lovely" winters -- you can get all around downtown without ever leaving the comforts of the indoors.  The buildings are all connected via skyways, and I texted the Manfriend over the lunch hour to tell him I felt like I was the frog in frogger -- people race around like human cars, the pace is fast, and I love it.  Which is a really long winded way of leading up to the fact that I raced my way over to Weight Watchers at 11:30, utilizing those skyways, and am happy to announce that I lost a pound!

I'll take it!

Back in my glory days of Weight watchers, I always expected a big loss -- like, 5 lbs -- the first week back on the program.  But as the kinder, gentler Jessica, I'm trying to be more realistic -- and not so hard on myself.

The facts:

• I didn't cook a single meal all week, unless you count toasting frozen waffles and spreading them with peanut butter and a banana as cooking.
• I didn't hit the gym all week -- but walked the equivalent of 5 miles on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday
• I stuck to salads in the cafe on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday -- big salads, filled with a ton of fresh wonderful produce, whole grains, and just a little bit of fat (balsamic vinagrette, cheese, sunflower seeds)
• Dinners weren't that different: salad bar, Panera sandwich, soup, etc.
• I attended a wine tasting last night, ate a light-but-normal dinner of appetizers, ate a normal breakfast this morning (coffee, cereal, water), all BEFORE weighing in ("kinder, gentler Jessica")

....and still lost a pound.

Again, I'll take it.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Because I'll Never Get Tired Of This View...

This isn't the view from my cube -- but it is the view from the cube NEXT to me, and every time I stand up (after hours of working with my head down and rushing to and from meetings), it takes my breathe away and I'm compelled to take a picture.  So far just with my silly camera phone, but one of these days I will bring in the big camera and get some good shots.

Today -- a great second day, filled with interesting meetings, cool people, and LOTS of walking.  The idea of hitting the gym is laughable to me right now, because I'm so exhausted just from running up and down stairs, to and from different buildings, etc.  Tomorrow I have a meeting about 4 city blocks away -- which is about a mile of walking just getting there and back.  My pedometer today?  12,000 steps. And I wasn't even trying.

So now I'm collapsing into bed -- tomorrow is another busy day.

Off and running,
~Jessica

See Jess Work

Day 1 of the new job was fantastic -- of course, it was a fairly easy day, given that all I had to do was listen to presentations all day!  Around 5 PM, after getting my new badge, I snuck up to my new cube...

...on the 27th floor.  Incredible view from my new digs!

So far I'm feeling like this is an awesome fit.  I'm excited to go to work tomorrow and learn about my actual job -- when I saw my desk today, it was piled with reading material, namely the look book for a spring designer line launch, and a DVD reel of Nina Garcia style blog tips.  The works seems fun, the people are young and vibrant, and the culture is engaging.

I am drinking red kool-aid through a firehose and choking on bullseyes and loving it.

Health-related stuff:
Target reimburses 50% of weight watchers.  There are countless other wellness opportunities, including gym discounts, free wellness coaching, IM sports leagues, walking groups, etc.  The cafeteria is huge and ridiculous and even puts Best Buy's to shame... complete with a HUGE salad bar (including a "whole grains bar,"), and featured "healthy options" daily.  They have a program where if you buy 5 "healthy option" meals, the 6th is free.  There are showers on site (though no gym on site, which is too bad), and I realized that this spring / summer, I might be able to bike to work -- exciting!

I breezed through the salad bar without a second thought.  Morning snack was a granola bar; afternoon snack carrots and fat free dip... breezed through ANOTHER salad bar on my way home.  My kitchen was demo'd today, and I ALMOST used that as an excuse to get Chinese food until I had a moment of clarity and remembered that I'd be stepping on a scale on Friday.  After a weekend of less-than-stellar eating, I have some work to do... and soy sauce definitely wasn't going to aid in that mission!

Still gonna have to figure out the workout piece, but I did pack a gym bag and bring it with me today (even though I didn't use it!)

Off and running,
~Jessica

Waking To A Winter Wonderland...

When I went to bed last night, it was lightly drizzling and the news was broadcasting their typical dramatic stories about "WINTER STORM WARNING" and "POSSIBLE 10 INCHES!"

Usually I ignore this stuff because it almost always turns out to be like 17 snowflakes, and then a week later we get SLAMMED when we least expect it.

But I woke up this morning to the scenery above -- and it is quite beautiful.  I mean, in April I'll be cursing the weather Gods as I whine about wanting to go running, but this morning... coffee brewing, morning news on, Manfriend sleeping... it is very very beautiful.

(and NOT having to brush off / start / move 17 cars will NEVER get old).

I had a quiet night last night -- quick beer with a girlfriend, early bedtime... I woke up this morning feeling great, and excited about the week ahead.  I scale hopped.  I made coffee. I ate breakfast.  And now I'm just relaxing, until tonight when Manfriend and I attend a suburban Chamber of Commerce gala for his work.  Dinner, dancing, auction... should be pretty fun (although now with this snow, I'm definitely going to have wardrobe issues).

Off and running,
~Jessica

Home Sweet Home

Well, I did it -- exactly what I said I was going to do.

I got up, ate breakfast, went to the gym, came home and showered, and then hopped in the car and rejoined Weight Watchers.

And I must say -- although  it wasn't fun, it felt GOOD.  

I felt instantly better about EVERYTHING, just knowing I'm proactively doing something about a situation I don't like.  Sitting there in those semi-familiar surroundings, with people who "get it," made me feel like... well, like this wasn't really gonna be that hard.

I'd weighed in and taken measurements at home this morning (and then ate breakfast, drank water and coffee, and wore jeans), so the number on the scale wasn't a surprise, but it was still an icky number that I don't like.

The good?  I haven't gained any weight since my half-hearted re-commitment back in February.

The bad? I haven't lost any weight since my half-hearted re-commitment back in February.

The ugly?  How long it took me to get to this point; how much time I wasted when I could have been making progress.

But, bygones.

Now that I'm here, I'm REALLY here.  I went through a long "contemplative phase," about going back to Weight Watchers, and I am nervous about a few things, but in the end, I know that this is the program that has worked for me in the past -- it is common sense, science-based, and a proven method... real food, no pills, no potions, no magic.  Just eat less, move more, be accountable, get good sleep, and drink water.  I mean, there's more to it than that, but really when you break it down, that's what weight loss IS.  Every week, you try to weigh a little less than the week before, and over time, all those little losses add up to equal big time changes.

I started the day off with a scale hop, a healthy breakfast, coffee and a trip to my old gym, where Scary Trainer Liz greeted me with a smirk and a "well, look what the cat dragged in..." We had a nice chat -- she invited me to join the Cardi02 class but I opted out, really wanting a quieter workout (and also not feeling like I was in good enough shape for the class).  I went and did my thing, but only after we had a nice catch-up session and then parted ways with a sweaty (me) hug.  It was a great workout -- another day of cardio, strength, and balance -- about 500 calories burned in 60 minutes. 


In the past, I've focused on the WRONG things about my weigh-in days -- wearing the same clothes (as few and as light as possible or nekkid if weighing in at home), eating and drinking NOTHING before my meetings (even if they're at noon), eating ridiculously light the night before, and drowning myself in lemon water.  I've gotten myself into the bad habits of trying to "trick" the scale, when all I needed to do was follow the program and no tricks would be necessary.  Today I weighed in wearing my heaviest jeans -- at a meeting downtown by my new office -- I ate breakfast, drank coffee... I even wore all my jewelry (gasp!).  The scale was almost 4 lbs higher at my meeting than at home... a difference I can live with, especially now knowing that the number will be going down. 

I had the receptionist clear me out of the computer and start over.  As of right now, according to Weight Watchers, I've never lost an ounce --- I wasn't 40 lbs heavier in 2003, and I wasn't 30 lighter two years ago. 

In their eyes, I am a newbie.

I liked the leader!  She was funny, non-cheesy, and lost over 100 pounds over a decade ago.  The meeting didn't annoy me -- and while I didn't stay afterward to "learn" the program as a real newbie would, I participated and stayed the whole time -- something I haven't done in years.  Weight Watchers is changing their program rather significantly on the 29th, so I'll learn the new program then.

It feels good that I've made progress during my week off -- had I gone back to meetings last Friday, the scale would have probably been 5 lbs higher.  But this week at home really cleared my head and gave me the mental space necessary to get back into my routine -- and as I commented yesterday, just as I've refound my healthy habits, my vacation is over and it is time to go back to work, albeit with a plan and a strategy in place.  Because as somebody wise once said to me, "hope is not a strategy."


As I'm writing this, I'm recalling my first foray into Weight Watchers -- it was probably 2003, and I was at a meeting / cocktail party for a fundraiser that my parents and I worked on together.  I was exhausted -- literally and figuratively -- my weight was draining me emotionally AND physically, and I desperately wanted a way out, but I wasn't comfortable talking to ANYBODY about it.  My dad off-handedly mentioned to me that some guy he knew had joined WW and lost like 30 lbs.  He commented, "I'm thinking about doing it." 

Without skipping a beat, I responded, "So am I."

Truth be told, I'd never even CONSIDERED Weight Watchers before, I mostly just didn't want to talk about my weight -- but in that moment, it seemed like a ray of light shined down and provided the answer I was so desperately craving.  A week later -- the week before Christmas, I believe -- I found myself in my very first Weight Watchers meeting.  On a Tuesday night.  In a church in Uptown, Mpls.  I ran into an old friend there, and enjoyed seeing her weekly for a few months, until I switched to a location closer to my job at that time.  I bounced around to different locations after that, finally settling on a meeting at an actual center in the suburb where I grew up -- it was that meeting and that leader that saw me through about an additional 50 pound weight loss, along with the Real Beauty magazine article, a column, my first 5K, 10K, and later a half marathon, a full  marathon; the purchase of a home, a bad breakup, and a billion other things.  But that very first meeting -- in the run-down church community room -- is what holds a special place in my heart.  It is what I consider to be my Weight Watchers "home."

I walked in a scared, timid fat girl, and walked out a person in control of my life, filled with optimism about my weight.

I've been thinking a lot about body image lately, as evidenced by yesterday's post.  It is embarrassing for me to admit that I've regained so much weight -- never being one of "those" people that regained weight was something that I was extremely proud of, and a goal and standard that I held myself very accountable to. 

Until I didn't. 

I'm ashamed, frankly-- so braving the scale anywhere other than the comfort of my own home today was a huge step towards learning to accept myself, mistakes and all.  At the gym, my inclination is always to avoid the mirror -- not today.  Today I stood right in front of that mirror, balanced on a BOSU trainer with medicine balls, free weights, elastic bands and rubber tires and all (that would be the rubber tire  around my WAIST, yo).  I looked myself dead in the eye (stomach / thighs / arms / butt), and focused not on what I looked like, but what my body was capable of doing.  And as I jumped and stretched, balanced and squatted, twisted and turned to the point of exhaustion, rather than criticizing every jiggle, bump, and flaw, this phrase kept running through my mind:


"Be good to your body - without it, where will you live?"

It is a powerful question in so many ways, but to me, the most powerful part is the influence our psyche can have on our bodies.  Intellectually, I know what my body is capable of -- I ran a frickin' MARATHON -- but when I'm not good to myself, mentally or physically, that doesn't matter any more and all I'm left with is a rundown, sad, undernourished version of myself -- and that is not exactly a place I like to call HOME.

~~~~~~~~~~

A few months ago, I bought an inexpensive pair of running shoes and a workout outfit to keep at my desk, thinking that I'd start using the Carlson gym on days I couldn't sneak in an outdoor run.  Sadly, as my workload increased and my motivation decreased, that bag of goodies sat, untouched, inside my cabinet.  During my final two weeks, I started slowly bringing things home a little bit at a time -- the last to go was that pink duffel bag, packed with a workout outfit, shoes, travel hair dryer, etc.  It wasn't until I'd unpacked it a few days later that I remembered the t-shirt I'd bought.  Bright pink, emblazoned with UA's logo on the front and a simple word, "Run."

And written across the back?

PROTECT THIS HOUSE.

As I parted ways with Liz today, covered in sweat and filled with endorphins, she clapped me on the back and said, simply, "nice shirt."


It feels good to be back.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Good Girls Don't Get Fat

I'm watching this segment on The Today Show about young women and body image, and it is bringing out so many different emotions in me that I'm not sure how to articulate it -- sadness, anger, frustration... happiness that somebody is talking about this important issue.

All of you that have a young woman in your life -- please, sometime today, tell her that she is smart and beautiful and perfect, just as she is.  And please remember that you are influential to that young woman -- it's not just what you say about HER, but how you talk about YOURSELF and others that will form her body image and the way she treats herself.  If you are constantly pointing out the flaws in yourself and other womens bodies, wardrobes, and faces,  chances are, the young woman in your life will learn to do the same, not only about others, but herself, otherwise known as "becoming a body bully".  And I don't know about you, but one of my LEAST favorite parts about womanhood is the catty, critical, superficial way that women often regard each other.  I can't really recall many (any?) instances of sitting in a boardroom listening to my MALE colleagues rip apart the clothing, hair, body or personality of co-workers, but in "Girl World," I see this happen all the time -- and I want NOTHING to do with it.  Once again, I'm reminded of the movie Mean Girls, where a pre-rehab / pre-emaciation Lindsay Lohan compares "Girl World" to the jungles of Africa, with Lions and Tigers attacking and ripping the flesh off each other, accompanies by the sound of tribal beats and animalistic noises.

Uh, it's funny cuz it's true?

Perhaps, for all of us, in these situations, the most important question is -- "is her weight (clothes, hair, shoes, laugh) a problem for ME or a problem for HER?" 


As the proud auntie to a perfect adorable beautiful 2 year old niece, I hope to God she never has to deal with the weight struggles I've battled my entire life.  She has two naturally slim parents -- but she was also incredibly premature, and the doctors have put out some warning flags to my brother and sis-in-law that obesity is something they should be on the lookout for, because premie babies are more predisposed to obesity (I don't know why - something to do with the fact that her early life was all about eating and fattening up, but now that she's caught up, that isn't necessary anymore).  Anyway, while I hope she is blessed with her mother's slimtastic gene pool and never has to worry about this, I also hope that my role in her life can be to help show her that being a woman is about so much more than the size of your jeans or a number on the scale -- that she is smart and wonderful and filled with her own unique personality, kindness, talent and charm, and THAT is what is really important in life. 

I've been lucky in my life to be surrounded by supportive women - my mother and grandmother, all who had their own non-catty, supportive circles of girlfriends... and of course, my own amazing girlfriends.  But we're not perfect and I KNOW that I've been guilty of some of the behavior I've described above -- never out of spite, just casual observation.  But now that there's a little girl paying attention, I'm reminded to put my words in check and think about the way she HEARS, not just what I say.  I know that I'm my own worst critic, and that if I ever heard somebody talking about one of my friends appearance / body / weight with the words that are often in my head, my reaction would be "hey, stop talking about my friend that way, she's awesome."

As I get myself "back on the workout wagon," this time it is with these messages in mind.  That I am valuable and perfect, just as I am, and any self improvement is merely that - not an validation of self-worth, simply me working on being the healthiest -- both mentally and physically -- that I can be.  Healthy  food.  Long workouts.  Early bedtimes.  Surrounded by the people I love who love me back -- just as I am.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Retail Therapy Thursday

Just when I'm back in the swing of "working from home," or "not really working," my vacation is coming to a close.  I could definitely use another week off, but at least I got all the STUFF done (hair, yard, storm windows, cleaning, laundry, workouts, sleep, lots of cooking), that I set out to do.  Wednesday was really my first day of relaxation, and I managed a workout, a good night's sleep, and healthy eating, and woke up today feeling amazing.  I set right into making a healthy breakfast, and then hit the gym as planned for a pretty awesome workout:

30 minutes elliptical
30 minutes strength / bosu ball / stretching

I was home by 11, and after a healthy lunch and a shower, I was out the door again by 12:30 -- and at the Mall of America by 1 PM.  And holy hell, even though I acknowledged Veteran's Day first thing this morning, I forgot about the retail equation of any bank holiday:


Holiday + sale pricing = mobs and mobs and mobs of people. 

I rarely shop at the Mall of America, even though it is a mere 8 minutes from my house, because I can't stand how big it is.  Well, this time I wanted Nordstrom and ALL my usual stores in one place, so MOA it was.  After 3.5 hours there (note: Christmas decor and music are in full effect, Macy's is in it's typical state of over-merchandised holiday hell, and Abercrombie fumes MIGHT have given me adult-onset asthma), I fled the scene, bags and bags of new clothes in hand, and stopped by my hometown suburban mall, Southdale, where you could have set off a bomb and injured nobody.  Yes please! 

(Fun fact about Southdale? It was the first enclosed shopping center in the nation.  We Minnesotans know how to shop!  Not only is the MOA here, but we basically INVENTED the mall, plus we're headquarters to both Best Buy and Target!)  

After trying on a few suits at Talbots and then walking into the Gap to find a woman so skinny I could literally see her hipbones, I decided that I'd had enough retail therapy for the day, and hit the road.  I'm home now, and having just finished dinner, I'm settling in to write my long foodie post, watch some TV, create my to-do list for tomorrow, and finish up my laundry. 

I've really recommitted to Weight Watchers in this week off, and not a moment too soon -- I found a lot of great clothing today (dresses, pants, sweaters, jackets, and boots, and as a bonus everything at The Limited was 40% off today), but I did NOT enjoy trying on clothes.  When I used to work in the apparel / trend department at Musicland, I was perhaps at my pre-WW heaviest -- figures that as I'm going back into fashion, my weight is, again, not where I want it.  Given the stylish nature of Target HQ, the dress code, the downtown vibe, and my new role, uh, in the fashion department, it's time to get back into my skinn(ier) jeans. 

Just my luck that my skinniest jeans were those that I fit into when I worked from home in yoga pants 90% of the time.

So tomorrow, around 11:00 AM, I'll be heading downtown to attend a meeting -- as a newbie -- my first in over 18 months.  This time around I'm going to also take measurements at home, so that I'll have a method other than the number on the scale to gauge success.  

And on that note, let's talk about food, shall we?


First up, breakfast:


Mediterranean polenta scramble.

Are you guys familiar with Polenta?  It is basically cornmeal that has been brought to a boil and allowed to set -- you can easily make it yourself, but I opt for the tubed variety, since I don't have good luck making it lump-free at home.  It is a great option when you're trying to eat whole / eat clean but want something somewhat carby-feeling.  It is a whole grain, so it is considered "core" or "Simply Filling" if you're on WW.

I heated up a little Extra Virgin Olive Oil in a pan...

... whisked together an egg and some fat free half-and-half....

...then added 1 chopped slice of Candian bacon, some feta, and a dollop of hummus (if you're in MN, I HIGHLY recommend this variety - Deanna's Roasted Red Pepper and Hummus -- it is locally made and fantastic).

Sliced up a few cakes of Polenta (and put the rest in a zip lock bag in the fridge)...

... and let it crisp up in the olive oil, flipping after a few minutes.

Once the polenta rounds were crispy and cooked through, I set them aside and put the egg mixture in the pan, using a silicon whisk to scramble everything together.

VOILA!

(Served with a side of vitamin cocktail - D, B complex, B12, and C!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moving on to lunch -- a product review.  I did a big stock up at Trader Joe's a week or so ago and was excited to find their "Reduced Guilt" entree line -- like a Lean Cuisine or Smart One, but more interesting and nutritious options than those found at the average supermarket.  I picked up the Roasted Vegetable and Couscous option, which looked light and fluffy on the package, and boasted 11 grams of protein for only 5 WW points.  While it was tasty, it was so unappetizing LOOKING that I don't think I'll be buying it again.  I colored it up with a side of a plate o' veggies w/ the aforementioned hummus -- and THAT part was pretty as a picture!

Easy peasy. 

And then it was off for about 5 hours of retail therapy / mall walking -- although I never count Activity Points for things like shopping, laundry, yard work... I think I can safely assume that in addition to my calories burned at the gym this morning, I probably burned a few hundred more just schlepping around the MOA.

Home.  Comfy clothes. Shower. Laundry.  And... dinner:


Prosciutto wrapped chicken, hericots verts in lemon garlic butter, and a baked potato.

Prosciutto wrapped chicken is a favorite recipe of mine, which I "borrowed" from Let's Dish and then skinnied down to meet my needs - namely, instead of using Boursin or another herbed cream cheese, I simply use a 1-pt wedge of Laughing Cow.  I happened to have their new blue cheese variety on hand, which was quite delicious (the garlic herb variety is also great, and I'm sure ff feta,  goat cheese, or any other sort of flavorful cheese would be excellent in here!).  This morning, I prepared my chicken breast, starting by cutting a "pocket" in the breast...

...and then stuffing that pocket with the wedge of laughing cow...

...before sealing it up...

...and wrapping with a slice or two of prosciutto.

I set it on a plate and covered with plastic wrap and returned it to the fridge until I got home and got hungry!  Since I'd prepped the chicken this morning, so all that was required was some cookin'. 

I have a very specific way that I make baked potatoes -- I can't stand nuking them (mushy, dry), but am too impatient to bake from start to finish.  So I flip on the oven, and while it is preheating, I nuke the potato for about 3 minutes... then spray with pam and sprinkle with kosher salt and put it in the oven.  After about 20 minutes, not only is it cooked through, but the outside is crispy as though you'd baked it the whole time.

SO -- while the potato was a'bakin', I heated up a tsp of Extra Virgin Olive Oil in my SMALL saute pan (which is why the chicken breast looks ginormous), and seared on high for a minute or two on each side, so that the prosciutto got crispy. 

 ... and then lowered the heat to medium and covered to let it cook for about 20 minutes.

When it was done, it looked like this:

While the chicken was cooking, I heated up a wee bit of butter in my LARGE saute pan, and then dumped in a load of hericots vert (ie, french green beans), and topped with some kosher salt, freshly pressed garlic, and lemon zest.

Done and done.  Delish and delish.

Stats for the day:
Breakfast: 8 points
Lunch: 8 points
Dinner: 11 points
Activity points earned: 4 (minimum)
Net total points: 24
Water: 120 oz
Vitamin: check!
Fruit / vegetable: 5 servings (light on fruit though - this happens when I don't eat smoothies for breakfast!)
Oil: 2 tsps
Whole grains: check!
Lean protein: check!
Dairy: oooh, this is where I missed out today - again, I have this problem when I don't eat smoothis for breakfast.  I have a few points left so I'm going to go have a glass of milk before bed.

Since I did ALL my shopping today, tomorrow shall consist of another gym workout, Weight Watchers, lunch with my dad, coffee with a girlfriend, and perhaps a manicure / pedicure.  My plan is to cook dinner at home for the Manfriend and have a quiet, simple night -- not only will I be starting the new gig on Monday, but the Manfriend and I have a gala to attend on Saturday night, and I have breakfast plans with the family on Sunday.

Parting quote, courtesy of Mr. John Bingham (parenthetical editorial by yours truly), "The miracle isn't that I finished, the miracle is that I had the courage to start" (again).

Off and running,
~Jessica


PS: in order to make my exercise goal for November I need to work out 42 minutes per day for the rest of the month.  Um... we'll see.  ;-)

PPS: When I added all my calories up in Sparkpeople, I came in right around 1750... so after subtracting about 400 calories worth of exercise, that puts me at 1350 for the day.  Not bad -- and I'm not one tiny bit hungry!

V Day / D Day

Happy Veteran's Day and a big thank you to those who have served so selflessly.  The picture above is of my grandpa and I, when I was obviously just a wee one, and we lived on the East coast.  He's the coolest Vet I know!

And it's also D Day -- yesterday was all about getting back on track with eating and rest.  Today I'm off to the gym and then a day of shopping (ick) for work clothes (double ick).  Tomorrow... I"m heading back to Weight Watchers meetings.  D = downtown.  Near my new office.  As a newbie -- new meeting, new leader, new group, new life, new goals.  I won't be "the girl that lost 70 lbs," or "the girl who regained 30."  I'll just be an anonymous newbie, like I'm learning the program for the first time.  I think I'd like to lose 40 lbs, but we'll see.

B: egg & polenta scramble
S: honeycrisp apple w/ laughing cow cheese
L: cous cous frozen meal thingy from Trader Joe's
S: vegetables w/ hummus
D: prosciutto wrapped chicken, green beans, baked potato

Recipes and workout recap to come later -  now it's time to digest breakfast and hit the road.

Off and running,
~Jessica

Eat, Cook, Shoot, Blog, Run - Crockpot Chicken & Dumplings

This blog has been a lot about eating lately and not much about running -- so after carbing up and hydrating on Monday and Tuesday, I went to bed early with the alarm clock set to take advantage of this unseasonably gorgeous weather.  I woke up stunned by the beauty out of my windows: red sky at morning might mean "sailors, take warning," but that certainly isn't the case today -- it is supposed to rain tonight and cool off over the next few days, but today has a predicted high of 67 and the smell of spring, not winter, is in the air.

After quickly pouring some coffee in a mug and grabbing my camera, I hopped in the car and headed out to chase the sunrise - I was hoping to find an even more beautiful photo op near the surrounding lakes.  But no such luck!  But once I got home I was caffeinated and raring to go.  I had a few moments of questioning whether to hit the pavement or the gym, but opted for an outdoor workout when I realized that today might be one of the last nice days this year.  I headed out nice long run/walk and after some time with my free weights, medicine ball, and yoga mat, I settled in to write and relax. 

I keep alluding to the fact that Tuesday was an insanely busy day so I had a solid food plan in place -- I set out to make what I thought was a crockpot chicken pot pie, but I'm renaming it crockpot chicken and dumplings. Because the "pie" version of the finished product doesn't really get crispy or "baked" like a crust - it is more like a doughy ball of awesomeness.  So here we go.

The Ingredients:
Cream of chicken soup
Cream of mushroom soup
Chicken broth
Boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 can of instant biscuits
Whatever vegetables you want (I chose carrots, celery, mushrooms, a leek)
Salt, pepper, garlic to taste
Not pictured: potatoes, leftover onion from yesterday!

First, on Monday, I cubed the chicken and put it in the base of the crockpot. 

Next up, added all the chopped up vegetables and cream-based soups and mixed up... added a little broth so that it didn't get too thick, but I would skip this next time - I forgot to account for the fact that as the vegetables cooked down, they'd release water and thin the mixture.

I put that whole mixture in the fridge overnight.  On Tuesday morning, as I was getting ready to fly out the door, I turned on the crockpot -- they all have different settings, so please adjust yours accordingly, but I put mine on the 10 hour setting... in other words, LOW.  And when I got home from a day of rushing around, this is what I smelled saw:

OMG, amazing!  I stirred it a few times, and ended up adding one more can of cream of chicken... and then around 5:30 PM (so, after 9.5 hours of cooking), I turned the heat up to HIGH, and dropped the biscuits on top:

I re-covered the crock and walked away for about an hour, and returned to this:

 I generally think that crockpot dishes look like sludge - and the pictures don't do the biscuits justice - but imagine a creamy stew / soup with all the aromatics involved in good cooking, plus some delicious dumplings. The vegetables and potatoes were tender, the leeks and onions created an amazing scent, and the chicken had basically shredded itself into the soup.

I ate it like a stew, cutting the biscuit into little dumpling-sized chunks and stirring into the soup.  Paired with some salad, it was fantastic healthy-ish comfort food that I'll look forward to making again.

And now we shall return to our regularly scheduled weight loss and fitness programming -- tomorrow?  My grand return to the gym.

Off and running,
~Jessica