January Thaw

The past two weeks have been tough.

Winter finally hit MN - blustery, icy, windy, cold, grey, wet, snowy... you name it.

And that was just my attitude.

After  an out of state trip to visit a friend who is struggling (fun and good, but hard), a day off to clean the house from top to bottom, a less-than-stellar return-to-work that was difficult for a number of reasons,  a head cold, an upset stomach, and a few days of getting the last of my little house emptied out and ready for a renter, I wanted to throw in the towel.  I was starring in my own version of "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."

I had fantasies of randomly taking the week off; booking a ticket somewhere tropical.  Of quitting my job and becoming a freelance writer, of moving to Tahiti... ANYTHING.

Anything but this. 

Yesterday was probably the worst of it - I woke up with anxiety in the pit of my stomach.  I went to work and put my head down and didn't look up until my desk was clear.  I walked into a meeting I'd been dreading, only to find that it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating - rather, it was good.  I confronted a fear, faced up to the truth, and like magic, all the walls I'd put up, came right down.

And then this morning, when I woke up, I felt something I hadn't in a while.

Energy.
Warmth.
Peace.

It was 33 degrees out - the world had thawed, and so had my attitude.

I stepped casually out of bed a solid 15 minutes before my alarm went off, and easily - wordlessly, thoughtlessly - made my way to the basement; to the treadmill... to my favorite way to start the day.

45 minutes.  Done and done. 

And just like that, my role of Alexander evolved to that of Harold.  Wielding a purple crayon, I saw my ability to paint the whole world (and especially my life), exactly as I wanted it, all based on how I chose to see.

If I saw cold, grey, and blustery, I was going to ice everything out.  If I saw rainbows and puppies and glitter, granted, I was delusional, but at least with a smile.  I chose to color today with optimism, sunshine, love and light -- and spent the majority of my treadmill time crafting today's column*.

I could not wait to write.

When I walked up from the dark basement, like Plato** from the cave, I felt enlightened.  The world was lighter.  Brighter.  And on my counter, I noticed this:

Not a great picture, but you get the point - a beautiful pink amaryllis, in full bloom.  I'd started it from a bulb, and seemingly overnight it transformed into something beautiful.  Not due to magic or science or luck or wishful thinking - conversely, not by whining, being lazy or stubborn.

It turned into something amazing, just by doing what it was supposed to do.

Off and running,
~Jessica

*Well, and watching a rerun of The Real Housewives of Washington DC.

**Every once in a while, that liberal arts and crafts degree / english major comes in handy.  I hope that SOMEBODY from Lawrence reads this post!