A Week In Review

Even though I didn't go back to meetings until Tuesday, I technically "recommitted" to WW on Sunday,  and since then:

I have prepared every single meal except for one lunch and one dinner.
I have drank nothing but coffee, water, and 2 glasses of wine (Wednesday night)
I've had oodles and oodles of fruits and vegetables all week.
I started taking a new (non-chewable) multi-vitamin.
I woke up and got out of bed at 5:30 AM on four out of five work days to hit the treadmill before work (and yesterday's rest day was intentional).
I have slept soundly every night.
I have resisted donuts in two meetings and bagels in another.
I have also eaten some ice cream, a little bit of dark chocolate, and some chips -- enough to keep cravings at bay.

And this morning, the scale was down 3 lbs.

Last night I downloaded a bunch of new music off of iTunes and transferred my whole library to my iPhone (yeah, I know, I don't know what it took me that long).  It means I drove to work listening to fun, poppy, energetic music, and have some earbuds in right now at my desk -- and I'm reminded again how much music inspires me to live the best life possible.

We are in the midst of a hot and humid streak here, but this morning -- beautiful out, blue sky, sun, and Maroon 5 on my stereo - all I could think about was going for a long, leisurely run.

My foot is about 95% back to normal, so I think I'm a week or so away from being about to do that, but I can't wait.

Tonight - a kids birthday party (for our ring bearer!), complete with pizza, beer, and water balloon fights (what's the over/under that my husband ends up on the slip n' slide with the kids?).

Tomorrow, a much-needed hair appointment at 9 AM, and then a day of yard / house work.  Sunday, more of the same.  And then -- starting Monday -- one week left to finalize the house for market.

Tune in Tuesday for the official results.
Off and running,
Jessica

No Day But Today

Well, I did it.

I sucked up all my courage, put my pride in my back pocket, and went back to Weight Watchers today over my lunch hour.

It was hard to step on that scale and see all the damage.  I instantly went into defensive mode "oh, I know the program I've been doing this forever, I regained a lot of weight, blah blah blah."

The leader shut me down right away and said "No need to explain sweetheart, we're just glad you came back."


Annnnnnnnnnnd exhale.
And then none of it mattered anymore.  Believe me, I've been through every emotion possible about this over the past year or so -- frustration, sadness, anger, shame...

Shame is probably the biggest one.  I swore to myself -- and everybody else -- that I'd never be one of "those people" who regained the weight.  After all, I'd changed my life!

I've been defensive all over the place in my writing and my words. Fixated on the past rather than living in the present.


All of that changed today when I went back to weight watchers.

She zero'd out my account -- today was day one
She changed my name.
She looked at me and said "doesn't it feel GREAT to know that this is the heaviest you're going to be?"

There is no history, no past, no former-life-Jess.

Only today and tomorrow, and my focus is firmly on the future and making progress.

I've had a great couple of days -- morning workouts both days, healthy breakfasts, lunches, snacks and dinners.  I've prepared every meal since Sunday.  I've been journaling.  I've met all the GHG's (Good Health Guidelines, for those not familiar with Weight Watchers).  I've gotten to bed early and slept soundly; risen with the sun and been on the treadmill before 6 AM.

Tomorrow will be the same.

The kitchen is closed; my lunch is packed, coffee is prepped, and smoothie stuff is ready to go.  I went out tonight to buy a new sports bra and a few pieces of workout clothing, which I have laid out on the guest room bed for tomorrow.

So here's what I've learned about myself throughout this part of my journey.

I do not have fast metabolism.  I am prone to weight gain.  I am somebody who will probably always have to work 10 times harder than most in order to maintain a healthy weight.  I have to be very VERY careful about my food and drink choices, and be mindful to not sit around on my butt too much.  Once again, I'm reminded that this is a LIFESTYLE change, not a diet.



Off and running,
Jessica

Holy Basil Pesto Couscous & Shrimp, Batman

 

 It's been too hot to turn on the oven lately -- even on a day as beautiful as today, the oven just heats up the whole house.  That means lots of grill / patio time and tonight was no exception -- last week, my friend Stacy sent me some fancy NY Times recipe for peppers stuffed with Israeli couscous and basil and I don't know what else - I promptly lost the recipe, but the IDEA of it stuck in my head and I decided to cook how I cook best: wing it.

The best part is that except for pine nuts, which I just happened to be out of, I had all the ingredients on hand - I'm growing basil in a little herb garden, and had enough to make a half-batch of basil, which was definitely more than necessary.  Without further ado, I give you: Pesto-flavored Israeli couscous stuffed peppers, grilled pineapple, and pesto grilled butterfly shrimp.

 The Ingredients:

  

 Israeli couscous, extra virgin olive oil, parmesan cheese, fresh basil, pine nuts, a bag of frozen butterflied grilling shrimp, red and yellow bell peppers, salt and pepper, garlic

Start the couscous: 1 and 1/4 cup of water to every cup of cous cous.  Bring water to a boil, add cous cous, and let it simmer, covered, for about 10 minutes.  While you're doing this,  you can prep your other ingredients.

First, remove the basil leaves from the stems and place in a small food processor, and measure out the rest of your ingredients (I used about a cup of basil leaves, 1/4 cup of EVOO, 1/3 cup of pine nuts, 1/4 cup of parmesan, 2 cloves of garlic, and salt and pepper to taste).  Add the pine nuts to the basil leaves and pulse until you get a bit of a paste; then add the garlic and pulse again -- then the other ingredients, a little at a time, to keep it smooth.

 When you're done, it should look like this:

Now let's see about that cous cous, eh?  It should be firm yet soft . Mix about half of the pesto into the still-warm cous cous and stir. Set aside. 

 

 Cut your peppers in half, using a spoon to scoop out the seeds and white fleshy stuff.

...and of course, stuff the peppers with a few generous spoonfuls of couscous.  Set aside.  Start the grill.

 In a large zip lock bag, place your defrosted butterflied shrimp and shake with the remaining pesto.  Once it is evenly coated, place the shrimp, shell-side-down, on a grilling tray.

 

While you're waiting for the grill to finish heating up, slice up some cored pineapple, and throw it all on at the same time.

I have to caveat by saying that this was not as simple or as well-prepped as most of my recipes.  I could have saved a lot of time if I had: defrosted the shrimp better.  Used store-bought pesto, or made the homemade pesto last night.  I could have prepped the couscous last night as well.  From the time I started boiling water until the time I threw stuff on the grill, it was 50 minutes. 

And then we were eating 15 minutes later.

Isn't she pretty?

You're WELcome.

It is a beautiful perfect summer night in Minneapolis and I'm sitting on the patio with a glass of cucumber water, writing.

A mosquito the size of a sparrow just landed on my arm.

I got up and worked out before work this morning; had a smoothie for breakfast, and a brown-bag lunch... my lunch for tomorrow is packed as well.

And tomorrow I rejoin Weight Watchers.

Off and running,

Jessica

Do Not Pass Go.

The last couple of days I've been getting into work super early -- like, 6:45 early -- my days have been packed with meetings, so the quiet time in the morning has allowed me to get better organized and conquer the day with some semblence of professionalism (despite my hair, which due to the humidity has been wet and in a bun for about a week straight).  You all know that I enjoy my quiet and productive mornings*, and quiet mornings in the office are no exception.

To get here when parking is ample, the city is sleeping, and there's no mad rush/cram/dodge to grab an elevator, is like a breath of fresh air.
Part of "getting organized" is making sure I have enough time in the mornings to do some of the personal stuff I need to do in order to clear my mind -- this morning not only did I schedule estimates for carpet cleaning and window washing, but I paid a few bills, took a minute to clean a bunch of trash / junk out of my car, and even counted the calories for my breakfast and my upcoming lunch.

Which brings me to my point.

You know what they say about idle hands... technically I'm typing, so my hands aren't exactly idle, but the point is that in the absence of the normal hurried morning time I started thinking... thinking about exercise, about weight loss, about the fact that my foot still hurts and I probably ought to do something about it... about the fact that if I lost some damn weight, my foot might have not started huting in the first place... thinking about my lack of gym membership and how i miss it, yet the treadmill hasn't been used because the room is full of basement junk we had to move for the painters...  thinking about how humid it has been and how uncomfortable I've been in my own skin... thinking about checking out SlimGenics or counting calories or other ways of reinventing the perfectly good wheel... and before you can say "put the needle on the broken record (God I'm even sick of hearing MYSELF talk about this)" I'm back over at weightwatchers.com, looking up local meeting times, journaling my food.

I like to practice the "AA methodology" of weight watchers, which is to say that if ever I'm feeling frantic; if ever I'm feeling anxious about food and weight, if I ever need to get back on track... I drop everything, find a meeting - right here, right now - and just go.

Stop here. Do not pass go.  Do not collect $200. 
This was infinitely possible when I was working out of my home -- not quite as reasonable now that I'm in an office with an insane meeting schedule, but I AM downtown, which means it is easy to get around on foot, and the world is sort of my oyster in terms of instant availability of, well, pretty much anything. 
But a minute ago I did the next best thing, which is to say that I found a convenient downtown meeting, set a date to go on Tuesdays at 12:30, and blocked off my calendar with a recurring meetings from 12 - 1:15 every Tuesday.  From now until the end of the summer, believe it or not, I don't have a single conflict.  I'm sure that will change, but for now it feels good to have an action plan, and one that I hope will help me to stay mindful over the weekend.  I've journaled my food, making healthy choices so far today, and my brain is busily working away on a plan for dinner.  Due to the insane humidity, we've been eating weird things lately -- it is just too hot to heat up the house, and frankly, even being outside to grill is unappealing -- but tonight I shall cook something light and lovely.  I think I've been in the "pre-contemplative" mode for the past few weeks - wanting to take action but not QUITE ready to commit, and today, I found the mental space to make a plan.

After all, carrying around the monthly pass, much like a gym membership card, doesn't automatically result in weight loss. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In other happy life news, it appears the end is in sight in terms of the house craziness -- our realtor came over last night, was very pleased with the progress we've made on the house.  We have a list of LITTLE things left to do (wash the windows, clean the carpets, paint the bathroom, continue to clean and declutter and weed and seed the yard), and hopefully we'll be listing the house right after the 4th of July holiday.

And then... we exhale.

Off and running,
~Jessica


*I meannnnnnnnnnnnnn, have I NOT been saying for years the importance of morning time and productivity!?  Why are I not rich and famous by now?

Being 100% Present

I live a social life -- both literally and in terms of the media I consume.  On our coffee table right now is my iPhone, 2 laptops, an iPad -- and in the other room, a desktop computer, a netbook, and my work computer.  My profession is digital / social media, and I'm a bit of a social butterfly, personality-wise, and I make a living working in the digital media marketing space.

I joke a lot about multi-tasking and how I don't know how to function unless I'm doing 10 things at once. 

I tweet, I facebook, I blog, I LinkIn, I email, I text, I Pin, I Instagram, I text, I google-chat... I get both my gmail and my work email pushed to my iPhone.  And I read a ton of blogs.  

Most nights, when the dishes are done and obligations are complete, you can find Mike and I sitting on the sofa watching TV, and more often than not, I have a laptop in my lap and the iPhone / iPad sitting next to me -- sometimes I'm reading on the iPad, sometimes I'm texting with a friend. 

I feel really tired just writing that out, and it has dawned on me in recent days that perhaps I'd benefit from a bit of a technology break.

Somewhere throughout the course of our whirlwind engagement, I started reading the blog Simple Marriage - they have podcasts and classes on marriage, none of which I've ever participated in, but every few days, the blog has some nugget of wisdom or advice that makes me think.  I'd already been thinking about warning my friends and family that I was going to be less "connected" on email... and then today's article came along: Being 100% Present.  

I read an article a few years ago about how young people -- women specifically -- were having unusual memory problems, and how it was due to stress -- the brain can only hold onto so many short term memories, and when your head is full of song lyrics, the preamble of the constitution that you memorized in 5th grade, Sex and the City lines, a college education, and all the piano and flute songs you were perfecting around age 18, something's gotta give.  I remember thinking "Oh, my memory is great!"  And -- it IS -- when it comes to long term memory... but lately, my short term memory has been shamefully bad. 

I blame stress -- to a certain extent -- but lately I think that perhaps I'm just not listening with my whole head and heart.  I think they are linked -- the over-tech'd multi-tasking happens because the technology is there and available and enjoyable, but also because the amount of work (both personally and professionally) that needs to get accomplished is less possible without taking advantage of every second -- I can't even imagine what my workload would look like if I didn't have access to my work email on my iPhone.  I'm away from my desk for 90% of each day, attending meetings, and probably get over 150-200 emails per day . To come back to that at 5 PM each day would mean working until 7 PM every night -- not gonna happen.  So yes, the tools I use are created for productivity and efficiency, but when the quality of your output suffers, it hurts more than helps. 

I can't tell you how many times I've been clicking through my iPhone at the start of a conference call, only to miss the first 8 minutes.  Or while in conversation, started thinking about something else and then totally missed the point.  Or spend time responding to texts while I should be focusing on the person in front of my face. 

As somebody who prides herself on being an excellent communicator, this is not a discovery or admission that I'm proud of, so starting today is my effort to change -- to listen more, type less, and hopefully be a better wife, friend, employee, and daughter.  My stress level is off the charts lately, and I'm not optimistic that is going to change anytime soon, so I guess that means the change has to come from me. 


I'm writing from home this morning -- working remotely while waiting for the window installation guys to come and complete the last major project before The Hubs and I put the house on the market.  I got up at my usual time and threw on sweats and headed into the yard to plant the hosta that his aunt thoughtfully gave us this weekend.  We've hired a lot of people to get things done around the house lately, but the piece we conquered ourselves was the yard -- and it made me remember how, at this time of the year, I love to garden; love to plant, love to nurture and grow.  I wish I had a true "before" picture to show you the virtual FORREST that was in this area below, but now that it is done it is a peaceful, serene, beautiful place for us to relax. 


My goal for the next week is to turn off the TV, the iPhone, the iPad and the laptop, and spend more time enjoying this space - talking, laughing, dining, and just breathing.

And being 100% present.

Off and running,
~Jessica

I Left My Heart In San Francisco

Two weeks, four cities, five hotels, three great vendors, one old employer, a million laughs and memories and miles walked, and one fantastic weekend with my husband -- San Francisco, I miss you already and I've only just left.

If you are looking for a cute place in San Francisco, I can't say enough good things about the Harbor Court Hotel -- it is a Kimpton property, located right on the Embarcadero, just across the street from the ferry building, about 1.5 miles to Pier 38 and 1.5 miles in the opposite direction to AT & T stadium (needless to say, we walked A LOT).  The F train streetcar runs right outside, and the BART stop is 4 blocks away.  The picture above was taken from my hotel room window on Saturday morning.

After being on the road for basically two weeks for business (from Denver to DC and back to Mpls before taking off for San Jose / San Francisco), I was absolutely ready for a relaxing weekend of quality time with my husband.  Although we definitley didn't completely unplug, we tuned out the most of the world and just had a ton of fun.  Pictures to follow, but here's a brief synapsis of what we did:
Friday, I checked out of my work-related-hotel and into our darling tiny room at the Harbor Court (note: if you want a big room, this hotel is NOT for you, but if you want a darling hotel with a great location and a fantastic view, a cozy lobby and nice amenities (bathrobes, slipper socks, high quality toiletries).  I walked and walked and walked some more - probably 5 miles total - exploring the city a bit and just generally getting a feel for the location.  I grabbed a quick lunch, tried to get Alcatraz tickets (SOLD OUT), and then went back to the hotel to catch up on some work while waiting for MIke -- he arrived around 6 PM, and after a quick glass of wine at the free lobby happy hour, we started walking once again... he was starving, we had 7:30 dinner reseravtions at Alioto's in Fisherman's Wharf, so we just stopped at a few cute bars along the way and took in the sights, sounds, and smells of the city (bridges, clanging, sea water). 

Dinner at Alioto's was "eh."  I was SUPER excited to go have a true San Fran seafood experience -- it's only been the past 5 years or so that I've eaten sushi and seafood, and I had big visions of red and white checkered table clothes and hammers and giant crab legs.  Um, no.  What I got instead was an overpriced and mediocre meal in a past-it's-prime location.  Very dated.  It was packed, however, so clearly they are doing something right.  The waiter was very nice but I was hugely disappointed in my meal.  Bummer, dude.

So, more walking -- down to the very end of fisherman's wharf; we poked through little gift shops and wandered and just enjoyed the beautiful weather. Then home and to bed fairly early, because we had a pretty big mission the next day.

We were bound and determined to get out to alcatraz island.  There are a million different ferry companies that will do bay cruises, but only ONE company where you can get off the boat and walk around the island.  The Hubs was absolutely dying to do this -- I was "eh" about it, mostly just wanted a nice cruise, but I have to say - I am SO glad we did it.  Fascinating.  And absolutely incomprehensible that people actually ESCAPED from this place (or tried to).  Anyway -- they were sold out for days, but apparently if you get there early, they release 50 tickets each morning.  So we got there at about 7:30; the box office opened at 8, and we snagged tickets on the 10:30 boat.  More walking from 8 - 10:30 -- again, through the wharf with coffee in hand.  Gorgeous day.

After Alctraz, we did the Golden Gate bridge, which I'd only ever driven across, never walked around.  Beautiful.  Striking, breathtaking, amazing view of San Francisco.  Then to the crooked street for some pictures.  And then back to the hotel for a nap before heading into Little Italy (North Beach) for dinner.  Anyway, we'd gone to North Beach upon the recommendation of a cab driver, who suggested we should go to Tony's for the "best pizza in the country," but there was a two hour wait, so we wandered into a little place called Calzone's, which was fantastic.


This was definitely my best meal of the trip, in fact, I could go for it right now.  Hand-made linguine with shredded crab with a tomato-scallop sauce.  Oh hell yes.  And a delightful salad of fresh beets with goat cheese to start -- and I have to say, the beets TASTED different than they do in the midwest. 
Sweeter, lighter, healthier, happier.
(Kinda like me, when I'm in California).

We walked home from Little Italy -- I'm limping a bit by this point, more on that in a bit -- and went to a nearby bar on the Embarcadero, called The High Dive, for a nightcap while looking at the water.  I had been to this bar a few times before with my former employer, and it brought back a rush of memories walking in the door.

When we finally got home on Saturday night, we collapsed.  I think we must have walked 10 miles -- not just street miles, but also climbing all the way up the steep hills of alcatraz.  We were exhausted -- collapsed into bed, fell dead asleep, and the next morning, although I woke up at my usual crack of dawn, I showered, dressed, and came back to bed and slept until 10 AM.  I didn't want to waste our time in SFO, but we needed to sleep! 

We got up and ventured out for food and coffee -- Mike was worried about being cold at the game and so was I -- so we were both in jeans and long-sleeved shirts.  Good thing we left in plenty of time because after only 15 minutes outside, we realized we'd ROAST in those clothes and went home to change into shorts and t-shirts -- and we STILL roasted.  It was unseasonably warm in San Francisco this weekend - in fact, I got sunburned - and sitting in those bleachers in the direct sun was intense.  We enjoyed poking around the ballpark (I'd been there before; Mike had not), watching the boats come into the bay hoping to catch a home run, gazing at the insane view, and day dreamed about moving...

After the game, we went walked up to the neighborhood where I used to spend a ton of time -- I pointed out my old office, the hotel I used to stay in, and we ducked into 21st Amendment, one of my old favorite hangouts... then to Kate O'Bryans, another old haunt.  At Kate O'Bryans, we made friends with two fun guys who convinced us we should move, met the parents a US Open golfer, and sitting next to me, a girl who lives like 5 miles away from us at home (of course).

And then, walked back to the Ferry Building and had dinner at a cute seafood place on the pier.  By this point, I have now - finally - had my fill of fresh crab.

Did I mention there was some walking??
And then, home and to bed -- up early to catch our 10 AM flight.

My father-in-law picked us up at the airport and deposited us home, where I was excited to see the work that had gotten done while I was away -- the basement floors and walls were painted and epoxied, and the garage scraped and painted -- we vegged out for the night, I focused on drinking gallons of water to rehydrate my sunburned and sore body, and around 10:30 I completely fell asleep -- my head on Mike's chest, he sat still until I naturally woke at 11:30 and we went to bed.

Today -- total re-entry shock. After basically two weeks of travel, I'm back in the office and I"m not quite sure where to start.

Also, I alluded to some foot pain earlier in this post - well here's the deal.  I (stupidly) forgot to put my custom orthodics into my new running shoes, and hten proceeded to walk a marathon's distance in orthodic'less shoes.  So in addition to some normal calf and quad soreness (hills), my left foot is totally jacked up.  I'm limping, it hurts, it was really swollen last night... this morning I immediately put the orthodics in and broke the dress code and am wearing running shoes at work and things are starting to loosen up, but OUCH.

And, dumb.

And now I'm off and running -- my final thoughts?

1) I love San Francsico and so does MIke and if we could win the lottery or something, we'd move in a heartbeat.
2) It felt really good to be so active for the past two weeks - even when I was traveling for work, I made time for lots of walking and fresh air breathing.
3) I'm ready to recommit to weight watchers / workouts.... the latter will have to wait a few days until my foot feels normal.  I am ready.
4) I don't ever want to go back to the life I had pre-weight loss -- where physical activity was so hard and the mere though of a hike made me want to gag.  I like being active, and i like LIKING being active. 


Off and running,
~Jessica